With that near-death experience out of the way, there were a few more challenges to face- anxiety, depression and stomach issues.
For 19 years my mindset was like a landmine– anxiety here, depression there and fear over here and eventually, it got straight-up evil - now these thoughts were about giving up.
Not only that, all of the crazy stuff from other areas of my life, the helicopters, the sirens passing by every other hour was just too much for me. I think you can understand why that whole staying at home thing didn’t help.
And that was just during the day. It got to the point where I’d go to bed at night and not care about the sleep paralysis. I was so unfazed by it having gone through it for years that I’d just go back to sleep because to me, it was the least of these problems when actually, it IS a problem.
But when my stomach started acting up, I couldn’t go back to sleep like I used to. The pain woke me up almost every night - and it was sharp, too. I'd cry, gasping for air, too exhausted to fall asleep. It hurt to drink water. I’d fall asleep feeling chills where tears ran down my face earlier and this continued on for several months until I recovered from all of these things.
And you know what’s crazier? I didn’t really talk about these things. I didn’t tell anyone about those times I had thoughts of giving up or that each day felt like torture. And when I did tell someone, their mind wasn’t in the right place either, so I guess the idea of giving up canceled itself out. I tried escaping it all by going out, partying, drinking and living a reckless lifestyle until I realized those things make it worse.
Now I’m not telling you all of this to be a bad influence. These experiences serve to put things into perspective because I realize that all of the stuff going on in my life were distractions and that - I never thought I was gonna say this having been agnostic and not being interested in God at all for most of my life- I really needed Jesus to put me back together.
It’s easy to take that leap of faith when you’re not afraid of death.
I honestly believe I was given a second chance for a reason because I honestly don’t know how else I’d be alive typing this right now.
I know that I’m not the only one who’s gone through this. There are people out there going through the things I went through right now and trying to work it out alone. That’s why I think it’s important to find the right people. We weren’t made to figure life out on our own, you know?
And with all of the stuff going on out there in the world, it’s important for us to recognize what’s real or not, what’s trying to get a rise out of you and when to stop giving it influence over our lives.
What’s really important is spending our time on purpose, focusing on the journey, getting back up and wiping that dust off our shoulders.
That’s why we value love, growth, family and resilience here at Swevayn Gold LLC. It’s the vehicle we’re using to drive up to your place, but are you in for the ride, though?